ERSATZ LIFE: 2012

Kasimir Malevich - The Knife Grinder (1912-13)

-->

MA FRANCE

ayatollah khomeini.

poop

Trying to Pay Attention

so cease; so sieze; so cease; so sieze; so cease; so seize;

BREAK

enter reality

PRESENCE

so sieze; so cease; so sieze; so cease; so sieze;

BREAK

enter reality

PRESENCE

so sieze; so cease; so sieze; so cease; so sieze;

BREAK

enter reality

PRESENCE

so sieze; so cease; so sieze; so cease; so sieze;

BREAK

enter reality

PRESENCE

so sieze; so cease; so sieze; so cease; so sieze;

I'm I'm gonna tell you a story. I'd I'd like to tell to tell you all a story. I'm gonna tell you a a story. A story. So, I says to him I says Jim, I says Jim, I says to him I says Jim, hey Jim I says, I says to him I says I says I says I says to him Jim I says hey Jim, I says hey Jim I says to him hey Jim, I says to him I says I says I says I says I says to him I says hey Jim, hey Jimbo, hey, how about how how about about how about about how how how about how about how about how how about about how how about how about how how how about about how about how about about how about them Bills? Them Bills? Them Bills, how about about how about them? And Jim says to me he says, he says Joe he says says he says Joe he says he says says he he says he says hey Joe, he says hey Joe, he says Fitzpatrick, you know Fitzpatrick, Fitzpatrick you know you know Fitzpatrick, he says he says says he he he says he says Fitzpatrick, you know Fitzpatrick, Fitzpatrick, he's got got he's he's got he's got to get get to get the to get the get the to get the ball to get the ball to move the move move the the ball the ball up the the up the the up the the the field the field. To move move the ball, up the field. And I says to him I says, I says, I says to him I says hey Jim, you know, know, you know, you know you know, you, you're right, you're right. You know, you know you're right. And and that's that's that's m my m m my story my story.

OBSESSIVE IMPULSERIFLE

Obsession obsession is obsession was a fixation on obsession with obsession. Obsession is obsession was a loss, obsession. Obsession is only for the best of us. The mess of us. A loss, into obsession, making up for a loss. Obsessed on obsession in obsession of obsession, imbricated layers of obsession with obsession. Save obsession for obsession, stuck in obsession of obsession. Auto-idio-transfixative introspectroversive obsessional neurotic nausea obsession. Obsession in obsession was obsession autistic alembic. Obsession is obsession was obsession were autistic fixation. Obsession were obsession was obsession is impossible expulsion, deeper obsession. Obsession of obsession is were was is fixation destruction obsession is obsession was obsession.

ERSATZ CANDLE

Cup in forehead glow, a metal skull gaze, a mountainous maze, a potted tree atop a cold marble floor, a face, at once, burns down the front door. Singe transpire continue, singe transpire desist, singe transpire musicality butterflew amidst. Scorch tubular wetness, scorch tubular monster, scorch tubular condensation into lace. Rocket flicker cancel. Blaze of glory go down, go down, I'm going down, I'm down in down so down can down can you in the oh. Ivy singe Tuesday contour into rhythmic lumber. To candle - Kilkenny, smokestack.

ERSATZ CUP

Astound, renowned, rewound. A glancing circumstantial deigns to prefigure. Hope cone, I can't see in. Open, I dip it in. Herein white, a coldcream delights grasp it NOW child. Vanilla brevity, a secret word left unreferred. Ivory bird tilts toward third. Recircle your bases, restraighten your laces, laisses. Disheartening restraint is heavily lilted, is no go is on so is is no go so is.

Liminal Mythopoeiesis

This paper argues that the event, in its plural contingency, cannot, as Heidegger and Ziarek have elsewhere adduced, be reduced to a calculus of availability. If we take the Erfahrung as an a priori metastatic historial ontic phenomenon, it at once becomes clear that the normative othering of the body qua spatial monad is not a performative gesture but a textual archi-erasure of institutionality and a modality of specular post-erotic hegemony. For the trace is always present in its plenary absence, forming the poeietic economy of the agency of the troping chain. It is the episteme, the hyperbolic ЕΦгфйю of this liminal erasure, that condenses the telescopic hetero-imagistic semantic disarticulation of the neutered pedagogical recondensation, or instantiation, of the irreducible scilicet of paradigmatic self-referentiality. Now, a sublimated post-dialectic of oneiric pretextuality cannot be taken as totalizing (re)feminine objecticity - but it can serve to recapitulate the desituational expropriation of the heuristic narrative. Systematicity, in its technical aspect, is therefore a broader historico-communicational ascription of the Schillerian play-impulse. The historitical instanteaneity of a mythopoeiesis of post-longitudinal disreferentiality then matriculates. Baudrillard would hold here that the homostationary umbilicality of the shark in motion presubstantiates linguistic hermeneutic topological defenestration. Residual splenarity oo-relates creo-plasticity into an avant-transformative parenthetical intersubpostpreposttextuality. Liquidized historico-substantial liquidity. Liquidity ontic oneiric. Predicated empathic disconstitutioninuationanality. Liquidity cognitive autoaesthetic inscriptive hybridity. Preentral staplary confrontaneity. Indecanstalrr gimrreel. Ixtipotiel kstlrrrrr rrhxkl

TAKE IT BACK

Addidas, Saucony, Nike, Lacoste

Bic, Marlboro, Jet Blue Magnavox!

Coca Cola Pepsi, All-State Amazon

Viacom, Pfizer, New Balance Nordstrom!

Liz Claiborne, Mastercard, Electronic Arts

Garmin Gap Yahoo, J Crew and Wal-Mart!

Vulcan Corporation - Whole Foods, Visa, Xerox

Wells Fargo Walt Disney Raytheon Ford Fox!

Limited Too Netflix, Boeing Nerf Budweiser

Atari Bayer Hershey Kraft Helluva Sennheiser!

American Spirit Fender, Ebay Rite-Aid New Era

Entergy Sony Gap Hardy's Altara

Proctor and Gamble, Mattel Lockheed Martin

LL Bean Pellegrino Johnson and Johnson.

GRRL

yo girl

unh

girl come on girl

girl

girl I gots to tell you

unh girl you got to know

I mean you know it girl

girl lemme tell you girl

i got something to say

jus

jus lemme tell you girl

unh damn girl you fine girl

I'll -

I just gots to say -

I'll take you to outer space girl

girl

you fine girl

damn

you fine

yo girl

jus

jus lemme say

yo girl

unh

yo i don't even know

damn girl

damn

RICHIE \ EAT \ YOUR \ CRUST

ERSATZ RHYMEZ

"I was makin' records when you were suckin' yo motha's dick."

- Adam Yauch, RIP

REGULAR SONG

Your eyes
staring
into my eyes
who am I?
but a guy
with two eyes
on the prize
and the prize
in my eyes
is ten times
the surprise
in your eyes
as I kiss you goodnight

- Regular Show, "Mordecai and the Rigbys"

WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS

Take a shit on a bitch shit fuck boobajibba
suckin on my shit
kick it with a pussy gonna jab a motherfucker
suck my fuckin dick

- WEEN 2007

Steve McCaffery Glasgow 09

Drippings from the stale sponge

Me I I me I me me me I I I

I I me me me I mine myself

me mine I I I me

me me me me I me mine

I I I mine? me I I

myself me I I I me

I I I I me me mine I I me me me I me I mine

myself I I me me mine me I

I mine me me I mine I I I I

me me mine I I I me I I

ERSATZ EXCUSE

Dr. Squancy's Bi-Quarterly Health Advice Collumn

How to Test Your Spleen for Colonoscopal Encephalitis

1. Roll your epidermal front-carriage from betwixt your scapula and patella to your labial fissure

2. Gently ossify your cataracts, whilst checking for any crustaceans

3. Firmly remove your sciatic nerve with a pair of hemostatic forceps

4. Tenderize your pudenda and duodenum, until the rectal epiglottis is sufficiently dilated

5. Tell your wife that you love her and commence Salpingo-oopherectomy

ERSATZ POLITICAL DISCUSSION

See now here's how it is. Ya'll can't tax the 1%, cause when them babies come out they momma's cooters, they's already people, ya hear? I heard a doctor tellin' me that that soon as them little sperms get to that egg, there's already a fully formed little human in there. I bet them little sperms are already people - tiny little people, hiding out in there.

I agree, sir. This is why we must consolidate and privatize our holdings overseas - because gay people want to take rich people's money and put it in their butts. Mark my word, if Obama is reelected, we will have gays walking our streets with ill-gotten corporate money in their butts.

YOUR ERSATZ ACADEMIC PROFILE

Rebus Johansson is interested in something really complicated and pretentious sounding that seems like no human being could possibly be interested in on any meaningful level. It probably includes the words "intersectionality" and "boundary". S/he is fascinated by the way that bodies move through space, and how colloidal functions integrate cross-sections of desire. Queerness. S/he is the author of the award-winning paper "(Re)structuring our heterogeneity: Toward a (post)feminist theory of integration". H/er/is upcoming book, "Restraining the Other: Toward a (Post)Althusserian vision of selfhood" will be arriving from Simon and Schonberg in 2099.

GIVE ME THE GUN: A SHORT PLAY

Give Me The Gun

A man and woman are sitting on a couch. They make pleasant, boring conversation until a man runs on stage holding a gun.

Man: What the f-

Gunman: Get down on the ground! Get down on the ground!

Man and Woman, visibly shaken up, get down on their knees.

Gunman (waving his gun at the couple): Alright! Just listen to me and no one gets hurt! Okay! Nobody's gonna get hurt if you just give me the gun!

A short silence.

Man: But -

Gunman: Just give me the gun! Hand over the gun and nobody's gonna get hurt!

Woman: But -

Gunman: It's not that hard, people! Just give me the gun and everybody's gonna be okay!

The man and woman look at each other.

Man: But...you have the gun. We don't have any gun.

Gunman (getting crazier): Just shut up! Everybody shut up and listen to me! All you have to do is hand over the gun and nobody gets hurt. Everything is gonna be okay if you just do what I say!

Another period of silence. The gunman keeps shakily pointing the gun at the couple.

Gunman (yelling crazily): I said just hand over the gun!

Woman: Honey, just give him the gun!

Man (shocked): What the hell are you talking about? I -

Gunman: JUST GIVE ME THE -

The gun goes off, still pointing at the couple, but the gunman falls over dead. The couple look at each other.

END

A NOTE FROM YOUR SUPEREGO

Hey Chris,

this is just your superego. So, like, isn't there something better you could be doing right now? I know you just wanted to watch Battlestar Galactica tonight, but weren't you a little on the fence about whether that show was too nerdy for you anyway? I mean, what would everybody say if they found out you watched it, right? Cybots or whatever? Come on dude. You're not really the kind of person that likes that stuff, are you? I don't know. Just something to consider. Instead of sitting around and watching TV you could go for a run. That would be a really great use of your time. You're probably really out of shape by now. You haven't been getting too much exercise since you graduated college and aren't on a soccer team anymore. Actually, speaking of college - aren't you like a hundred bajillion dollars in student loan debt? Shouldn't you be finding some kind of way to make money right now? That would be a great way to spend your time. You could be an online entrepreneur or something. You know, if you could just put a little effort forth, you could do something like that. Don't just sit around and do nothing! God!

Gee, I'm getting really worked up, Chris...

You know, you are really kind of a pathetic loser. You sit and stare at a computer for like 8 hours a day at your job, and then when you get home you just stare at a TV screen. What a lazy bastard. And do you even really have any friends anymore? I mean, yeah, there are people you hang out with occasionally, but can you really call any of them your "friends"? You're probably going to still be alone, doing the same shit you're doing now in 20 years, except for the obliterating suicidal misery that will be rending your life to pieces. Your social life is just not like it used to be back in college, when you used to run with Tony and James and all those guys...oh well. Man, you were really happy when you were a little kid. You'll probably never be that happy again.

Thanks,

your superego

PS

I don't mean to pester you, but it is kind of my job. Sometimes I can overstep my bounds a little, but it's for your own good, right?

MARAT

Marat
these cells of the inner self
are worse than the deepest stone dungeon
and as long as they are locked
all your Revolution remains
only a prison mutiny
to be put down
by corrupted fellow-prisoners

- WEISS, MARAT / SADE 1965

Hello. Are you looking for anything in particular, or just browsing?

Jacques Lacan: Seminaire XXXXIII: La intériorité

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to discuss interiority. Not interiority, as such, but interiority - as such, as it were. Now what is meant by interiority? Nothing but if not precisely what it appears to sound like: that is, the structural amplitude and recursive connotation of any given phenomenal occurrence, corporeal or otherwise. Now take, for example, the Borromean structure of this crepe I was eating yesterday: does it not allow us to glean a certain impulse, a certain tête-à-tête glimpse, if you will, into the truly manipulative Otherness of the interiority of desire? For desire is - as you well know - not certainly a drive to the core, to the kernel, in a manner of speaking, but rather, and it is not without hesitation that I am saying this, the opposite - that is, a drive from the core. It begins in interiority, and can only emerge, as it were, after a certain exteriority has penetrated, as it were, in our little homellete. From whence the lamella, as it were, emerges, and from which we can at once extrapolate toward the structure of interiority itself: we see that it is at once not only the given interior of any given structure, but also not the Otherness of our little man here. For it is man, if you will remember, that betrays the given gap, or inachèvement, that is at once present in any given structural formation. It is man himself that betrays all this to us, and more: is it not man, as well, who represents this gap, this incompletitude, if you will, as it were - if you will, himself? That is, not an observer of the gap, not a watcher, he does not "mind the gap", as it were, does not represent the gap, but at once is the gap. And that brings us back to interiority - and ladies and gentlemen, I'd prefer to leave the rest to you at this point, for have I not said enough?

CATATONIC SCHIZODEATH

                 f o     p          mf   df r        y       d    f     tf              gf h    iw o jgy y w b km   vu cv                                 gd         e              y              l tr c              y yew                                          a          l
ol   eiw m v r ie m n    bi    r p khs sgh        c   s g fg              ew                  asl      gf          x m v       iw                i                       o               a as                     s                 t            p           i
          r                          wer t                w           t tg   k a          d            s         t            d          u      o             s                   t                 g                                          n   o   m   o     r t e         a
     a     sg      gh         a a l oi r j      g        ga    w t               wert        r        w e t e he l p            f
                 ert          y                       r              e            y                  u                  p                r
                   t                     e                    w             kw pe rm xl ir m                                 h ksl pw
p p die   gl sp               k                q             h              re trt y t t y               i                    o
                          s dfa f t    t q    k
     a     sg      gh         a   a l oi rfg                    eqq ij oo paj u          dow               qw
     s                fg                s                  rt        e                    q                t q te          e et
p e ut n m x spw ir          u tn     y             n              f     e e e s    y              d               y
   g t d ty vhk    e        c     gd              g c cu       u     r    y        w       w
gd gdfg sd t w ddt          r            y y i        e         q fd
h g n cjs db g    w      u ig h f h h     g    q         t            u
            r os             a d                f sls iq                p a

Polygluttonous Perversity

Ja, der Himmelstoss in die Copenhagen? Una conquistadora mit eine rasion de vivre? Die esposa mariposa nicht tiene la temps perdu. Gehst du jetzt in cine? La pelicula ha estado tenido la Paque. Dayenu! Mit die selztervasser! Die neibelungen no hay tostada. Bien!

RA

BRODE

Yo, bro son bro

a'ight dude yo

dude, sup

yo dude

wattup son

how you be, nomsayin

yo good nomsayin yo

yo, wh- damn son

yo!

c- bro

dude

come at me!

come at me bro! bro

naw naw dude man son

i'm jussayin

yo it's cool s'cool bro

it's cool bro

waywait-

come at me! hold me

back son

naw naw it's cool jus playin

jussayin, s'all good jus playin bro

yo,

yo, nomsayin? son

yo hold me back! yo

hold me back bro! shit yo

come at bro!

come at me!

bring it, son! yo let's go son

holemeback!

yo bro

naw yo yo bro

yo s'all good

yo man damn

s'all good

i'm a'ight peace

peace, bro

peace

ERSATZ NEWS

Good evening, it's 85:117 Manchester United meridian time. This is the world news.

Twelve Saudi bombers raided a Mosque in Myanmar, leading to the subsequent sequestration and restraining of a small band of Israeli outlaws.

In Australia, Chinamen have discovered the moon. Onlookers had this to say: 'I didn't know the moon existed. Until now, that is.'

Sixteen middle-aged slightly aggregatory Frenchmen organized a yachtsman's strike at the partridge extinction factory in Chartres. 'We just wanted some free candles' said a spokesman from the group.

Britain's newest romantic drama telecomedy All My Wives opened to a fantastically catastrophic failure. There were no survivors. I eat leprechauns.

Everyone in Ethiopia is as dumb as an antelope.

Burma is a shit hole. I've been there.

The Queen mum buries her feces in a hole in her backyard, beneath a discarded wastebasket.

Last night the pirates in my backyard encroached a little further towards my kid's rocking horse. I can see them from my window.

Well that's all very nice to hear, Mrs. Golyadkin. Thank you for the timely update on world affairs.

Now constantly try to show everyone how smart you are.